So drunk its hurt
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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