my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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