he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
