I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
