I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
