meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
