he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
