I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
