He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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