i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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