I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
