Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
