I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
