I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
