just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
