I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sext me about skeletons
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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