would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize