Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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