so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
