That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
