best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
