Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
