I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
