i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
