Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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