she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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