just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
