1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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