yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
