No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
