he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
