Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
