i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
