we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
