Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
