do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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