Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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