Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The air taste purple.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
