3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
then he tried to convert me to islam
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
