I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
