Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
