Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
