the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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