party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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