She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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