You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
operation have a gay friend backfired
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
