i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
