whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Watching her eat just hurts me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
