wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
