This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
