What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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