i jhust puked up my retainher.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
