If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
