I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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