I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
