hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
