$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i've created a new STD.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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