I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize