you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
