i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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