I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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