Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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