He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
