took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
