why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
