Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
